I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
