his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
