there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
