that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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