bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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