I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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