I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
