Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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