When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
