glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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