I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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