You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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