he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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