So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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