guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
