Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can I color on your dick again?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
