he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
