she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
