Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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