do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
