I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
