haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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