he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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