I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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