my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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