Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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