Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
