I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you didnt know i had herpes?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
