She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
