White coat. Heels.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
