I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
