just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize