Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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