Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Quick, to the slutcave!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
