Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
