Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
