You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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