he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
