Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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