someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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