Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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