i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
