In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How external is "for external use only"?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
