he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
