Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
