In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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