Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
