I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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