A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
