wat bout pragnant strippers??
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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