Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
