I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
