I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
