I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
