brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was like eating out sand paper
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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