just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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