your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
