How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
